yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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