I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
