wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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