I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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