dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
