It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
