no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
