Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
