My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
