so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
