we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize