You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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