dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
