Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
