I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
