Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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