Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
