And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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