he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
