ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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