the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
