dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
