But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
