But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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