i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
