He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
not ubering you a puppy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
