Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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