i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
