then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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