I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
