I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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