i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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