my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
