I have demons in me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
