so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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