do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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