he puts the penis in happiness.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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