I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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