the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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