I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
