Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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