Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
