this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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