i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize