dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
