a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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