They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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