My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
