What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is Oprah even human
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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