Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
