She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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