i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
