Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
