he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm like, not good at living.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
