i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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