what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
