My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
