I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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