But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
love makes seman taste better
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
