I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need a beard to bite.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
